Self reflections III

The quietness of the house reminded her of the times when it had only been the two of them. Children’s laughter had only been a wish, a possibility for the future and not even that was certain. The fact that she had gotten this far was already something that amazed her from time to time. As if it had all happened in the blink of an eye. She remembered vividly the thought that shot through her mind the first time she laid eyes on him. “Wow.. what a man”. Instantly her mind froze as she absorbed his image, aware that every fibre of her body tingled in anticipation. She had just as quickly discarded the thought and the emotion. She had a job to do, a mission to accomplish and he was probably married. The one thing she had always vowed. Never get involved with a married or even a divorced man.

That year had been the one where she had stopped chasing love. Trying to find commitment in giving away her body to boys who lost interests in the chase the moment she had surrendered. She was no longer fair game. For the first time she was focussing on a future that had nothing to do with anyone else but herself. She was going places, proving to herself that being on your own wasn’t scary nor sad. Liberating her mind from stereotypes spoon-fed to her by her mother. She’d had only one relapse that year. The man she met in the bar, an American in Amsterdam, passing, just as the ship he was about to sail back home. This time she had known this wasn’t going to be the happy ever after. Not once during the brief affair had she lost her independence. A victory that had made her stronger. She said goodbye without looking back.

At that precise moment the man, the one that had made her body tingle when they first met, that man would change her life forever

Part one
Part two

Self reflections II

Last nights thunderstorm had not cleared the air at all. She had not been able to fall asleep, humidity wrapped around her like a blanket. She had tried to clear her head of all the things she needed to do, but somehow thoughts kept returning as if on a merry go round.The loud voice of the women down the road didn’t help much either. She knew that she came from a large family so maybe she had to be loud to be heard. When she finally managed to fall asleep dreams played havoc on her mind. She had woken up once or twice, not able to make sense of all she had seen and heard. Images too blurry, voices to far away. She heard him call out again. Sometimes she thought he only called out to make sure she was still around, not needing anything, just reassurance. As if she would be able to disappear. Slowly she made her way down. Stopping by the hallway window looking out over the front yard she noticed the blackbird sitting at the windowsill. One curious beady eye watching her. “Good morning my friend” she said “will I get another serenade today?” The bird didn’t move. She slightly moved the picture hanging on the wall and smiled at the instant memory that shot through her mind.

Part one here

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