Last nights thunderstorm had not cleared the air at all. She had not been able to fall asleep, humidity wrapped around her like a blanket. She had tried to clear her head of all the things she needed to do, but somehow thoughts kept returning as if on a merry go round.The loud voice of the women down the road didn’t help much either. She knew that she came from a large family so maybe she had to be loud to be heard. When she finally managed to fall asleep dreams played havoc on her mind. She had woken up once or twice, not able to make sense of all she had seen and heard. Images too blurry, voices to far away. She heard him call out again. Sometimes she thought he only called out to make sure she was still around, not needing anything, just reassurance. As if she would be able to disappear. Slowly she made her way down. Stopping by the hallway window looking out over the front yard she noticed the blackbird sitting at the windowsill. One curious beady eye watching her. “Good morning my friend” she said “will I get another serenade today?” The bird didn’t move. She slightly moved the picture hanging on the wall and smiled at the instant memory that shot through her mind.
Part one here
NB feedback is much appreciated. Even if , no ..'specially if you think it stinks.
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4 comments:
My feedback is another OOOH-AAAH! Marloes. The images are lovely and I am intrigued by this woman.
Still more please.
Thanks Jenn, I am very insecure about my writing, maybe even more so because English is not my first language. I feel I can express myself much better in Dutch.
marloes, you can be sure i will follow this story. who IS this woman and what is her relationship with this man and what and why is she feeling? you've done a terrific job of pulling the reader in, with affection and curiosity about the narrator.
if i could express myself this well in my native language of english, i would be pleased. i can't believe you write so well in a second language! keep at it, girl.
:)
Im not even sure myself KJ, she is on a journey and she takes me along. I know that she has a lot to offer, but at this point she is holding back
thank you for your kind words. it encourages me to go on
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