Face your pockets

Most men think that women carry the whole world and its content in their handbags….and they are right. Although, some really can overdo it. Why anyone would want to carry around a spare pair flip-flops is a complete mystery, even to me. I’ve never spilled my guts, nor my handbag content on the www. I’m sure no one is interested in my collection of agendas dating back to 2001. Nor are you waiting to see the package of Kleenex that is so old you can hardly read the cover, but for this project I might make an exception. Fill your scanner, close your eyes…and press start.

What's another year?

In these last few days before the company comes to a complete standstill, time already seems to slow down. In the ballet world the year starts in August and stops somewhere between the end of June, beginning of July. This is the right time to clean out drawers, file old messages, throw out everything that is no longer of any use. Filing contracts for the new season in alphabetical order gives me time to reflect on the year that more then ever took me for a rollercoaster ride. A conflict with a co worker almost drove me insane. The stress of being part of the work council I dragged home with me, causing me to loose sleep. Sometimes it all upset me so much that the thought of leaving entered my mind more then once.
But I do love this job; from the first day I started as a sub in ’99 I knew that this was the right job for me. The people, the diversity of the workload and last but absolutely not least being part of this cultural world I always so admired from afar.
When I return in August, I will no longer be a member of the work council and I have set myself a goal. I have given myself minimal 6 months to maximal one year to re-find the joy I used to have in doing this job. I think I owe myself that much.

Self reflections III

The quietness of the house reminded her of the times when it had only been the two of them. Children’s laughter had only been a wish, a possibility for the future and not even that was certain. The fact that she had gotten this far was already something that amazed her from time to time. As if it had all happened in the blink of an eye. She remembered vividly the thought that shot through her mind the first time she laid eyes on him. “Wow.. what a man”. Instantly her mind froze as she absorbed his image, aware that every fibre of her body tingled in anticipation. She had just as quickly discarded the thought and the emotion. She had a job to do, a mission to accomplish and he was probably married. The one thing she had always vowed. Never get involved with a married or even a divorced man.

That year had been the one where she had stopped chasing love. Trying to find commitment in giving away her body to boys who lost interests in the chase the moment she had surrendered. She was no longer fair game. For the first time she was focussing on a future that had nothing to do with anyone else but herself. She was going places, proving to herself that being on your own wasn’t scary nor sad. Liberating her mind from stereotypes spoon-fed to her by her mother. She’d had only one relapse that year. The man she met in the bar, an American in Amsterdam, passing, just as the ship he was about to sail back home. This time she had known this wasn’t going to be the happy ever after. Not once during the brief affair had she lost her independence. A victory that had made her stronger. She said goodbye without looking back.

At that precise moment the man, the one that had made her body tingle when they first met, that man would change her life forever

Part one
Part two

Long days.

No,no….there is nothing wrong. At least nothing that a few weeks of R&R couldn’t fix. Work is taking up all of my time and when I finally get home I’m too tired to read my mail, let alone visit all those logs on my favourites list. Two more weeks to go, just two more weeks of unbalanced days, different schedules, and long hours before I can finally close the door behind me for 5 weeks of doing absolutely zilch, nada, niente. One of the perks of working in the cultural world, long summer breaks.
My husband and I are going to Italy for two weeks of sun, sea, and sightseeing. For the first time in I can’t remember how long, it will be just us. No children, no pets, just him and me. Bliss! As soon as I have a little more time I will give you a preview of Tuscany, yet to be discovered by us and I’ll introduce you to Marina Romea. The weekend resort for Italians and a place of peace and quiet for the few foreigners who love to do as the Italians do.

Dark blue(s)

Long before I could see it birds already told me there was another storm brewing. Somehow they feel before we see. In loud short exciting bursts of sound they let me know something is about to happen. From the window in my room I can see it approaching from afar. Dark blue, almost black the clouds that move in fast on winds that make the branches of the birch in my garden almost double over. Like my mood, dark and looming, it hangs over our house. The first drops hit the window with force. Soon I can’t see from the water pouring over the glass. They match the tears on my face. The storm subsides as fast as it came and now I hear a blackbird sing. His job as a messenger of doom is done. Joyously he announces the return of the sun. If only I could switch my moods as quickly.

Be aware, nudity!

This is hilarious in my view. It involves nudity so for the fainthearted, please do not, I repeat, do not click the movie if you can’t stand the sight of bare boobs.
Men, take a look at yourselves...

Euphoria

Every now and then I surprise myself by writing something that is so brilliant it almost takes my breath away. The work related letter I had to work on over the weekend was exactly as it should be. Sharp, to the point and not leaving anything to the imagination. It thrills me to bits when things come together. All the right statements made, every i dotted. Leaving no room for improvement.
The adrenaline it releases makes me feel on top of the world. I would love to be able to write like this all the time. Getting addicted to the euphoria of the moment.

Distraction

It’s so easy to distract me its almost embarrassing. What bothers me the most is that in the end I can’t even remember how I got where I end up in the first place. Take this morning for example, surfing along my own merry way and suddenly this sign pops up: Show us your appreciation and vote for us. Being the way that I am of course I click on the sign and I get to vote …not just for this site, euhu…there are plenty more. Some categories mean diddly squat to me so…I need to explore a little further. Take for instance , game sites, being a Zylom player myself, I never even heard of “You don’t know Jack” well..as a mater of fact it seems I don’t . I (again) can’t resist the challenge and end up playing, scoring $ 4.020, big bucks in my book, but apparently loser fee in theirs. I might as well get my score up there in highlights, so I register. You still with me? You are the only ones, because by now I have totally forgotten what I was looking for before I got here and I end up writing this blog

By the way, I skipped voting for mobile and productivity, they really left me flabbergasted

Self reflections II

Last nights thunderstorm had not cleared the air at all. She had not been able to fall asleep, humidity wrapped around her like a blanket. She had tried to clear her head of all the things she needed to do, but somehow thoughts kept returning as if on a merry go round.The loud voice of the women down the road didn’t help much either. She knew that she came from a large family so maybe she had to be loud to be heard. When she finally managed to fall asleep dreams played havoc on her mind. She had woken up once or twice, not able to make sense of all she had seen and heard. Images too blurry, voices to far away. She heard him call out again. Sometimes she thought he only called out to make sure she was still around, not needing anything, just reassurance. As if she would be able to disappear. Slowly she made her way down. Stopping by the hallway window looking out over the front yard she noticed the blackbird sitting at the windowsill. One curious beady eye watching her. “Good morning my friend” she said “will I get another serenade today?” The bird didn’t move. She slightly moved the picture hanging on the wall and smiled at the instant memory that shot through her mind.

Part one here

NB feedback is much appreciated. Even if , no ..'specially if you think it stinks.

The living years ~Mike and the mechanics

I stumbled onto this video today and I thought you might like to hear it . I have no idea how old this song is, but it keeps hitting this little button deep down in my stomach that hasn't completely dealt with losing some of the most beautiful people I have ever known.
Listen and learn

Familiar places

Time does have a tendency to fly when you’re having fun. A room with a view, the all familiar seaside resort, the little white church, the lighthouse and all the people I care most about around me. Walking up and down the beach, getting used to the cold water. Loving the feel of the sand between my toes. Watching children building castles with deep moats at the flood line, naked babies with buckets trying to catch the outgoing tide. Shells just waiting to be picked up.
Great company, wonderful music and good food and wine. Singing Happy Birthday at twelve which is also the end of the party. In this part of the country Sunday rest is still respected. The long line of happy people walking along to boulevard on their way back to the hotel. Youngsters up front, eager to find a spot still open for them to enjoy just one more drink. We, the older ones, sauntering, enjoying the cool breeze, deeply inhaling salty air.
I will have to hold on to these memories for a while, the next time we are going to meet is at the end of summer. I don’t have a box big enough to lock them all away.

Magical moments

This girl with long braids is my oldest sister. The picture was taken in Katwijk, a seaside resort where we used to spend our summers when we were kids. It holds treasured memories and probably is the reason why I love the sea so very much. The first time in years that we all went back as a family was to celebrate our mothers 80th birthday. It was also the last time we were complete. Since then our brother in law and our mother passed away, our brother is married to wife number three and our oldest niece has had a baby. Today we come together again, to celebrate my oldest sisters 60th birthday. She has rented the same beach club she and her husband used to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. We will all stay at the same hotel. This weekend will be about family and sharing magical moments once again.

A room with a view

I promised Jenn a look in my kitchen. The biggest difference between hers and mine is that I can’t cook. Now there’s a meme you can chew on for a while. My mother never took the time to teach us how to, because she just didn’t care for cooking at all. Although she could whip up a wonderful meal if she set her mind to it.
From the windows I have a wonderful view of the street we live in. This picture was taken a few winters ago. I can never get enough of views like this. It makes me feel very peaceful.
There used to be a wall between the kitchen and the living room, but we tore it out when we bought the house. I wanted to be able to watch our children while cooking or washing dishes (nope, no dishwasher).
This post actually gave me a new idea. I will, over a period of time, post pictures of more rooms in my house, so you get to see how the Dutch live. Mind you, I might skip the bedroom, there are limits to my exhibitionism.